Anyway, I was on Facebook today when I saw a post by DoctorFabulosa. I read the post and I really think it's one of those really special posts you come across once in a long while that are not only inspirational but that also rings true for a lot of people- I know I can totally relate to it and have found myself in the writer's thinking-shoes. The post is titled, "Transitioning", and, no, it's not the kind that comes to mind.
I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!
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I know some of you have already started to wonder if I’ve decided to
join the natural hair movement (Love you ladies but it’s just far too
much work with the pre pooing and the post pooing I just can’t). And no I
haven’t decided I want to change my name from Claire to Clark and start
wearing mens clothes either (Love being a woman) Nah I’ve decided that I
am and forever will be a proud feminist.
Now before the men start wondering if I’ve started backsliding. I
don’t know why being a strong woman is associated with somehow being
sinful. I still love my Jesus. I still love my husband. But I’ve decided
to transition from what Chimamanda Adichie calls feminism lite to full
blown feminist. And no I’m not going to stop wearing a bra or makeup or
fashionable clothes. My feminism is uniquely mine and I have the power
to define it anyway I like. Besides part of being a feminist is knowing
you are a full person and pursuing what interests you and fashion and
makeup interests me.
By now you all know I have two absolutely gorgeous girls. Yeah I said
it. They are. It’s the truth. Well I’m ashamed to say when I found out I
was having a second girl I cried my eyes out. Don’t get me wrong I was
grateful the baby was healthy and my husband would never give me that
kind of aggro and infact was the one trying to calm me down. I told
myself and everyone else that the reason I cried so much was because I
only wanted two kids and I wanted this one to be a boy. That was a lie.
The truth is that I had been sold a lie from the time I was young. That I
needed to have a boy to feel like I had achieved something and could
now sit comfortably in my husband’s house. Never mind that I was lucky
enough to have achieved a pregnancy. Never mind that at this point I was
a medical doctor managing a hospital and yet my sense of achievement
was still tied to my ability to produce an heir. Which by the way I
don’t even genetically determine.
So yeah I’m ashamed I cried my heart out. I asked God why. This was
my desire! Why will you deny me? It took me a while to come to terms
with the situation and then I saw my daughter and she was just
absolutely gorgeous. So so beautiful I couldn’t believe that I made that
and now everyday I look at her, shame washes over me. I wanted you to
be a boy? Was I mad?
So before I keep talking I still want a boy. If not for anything but
to see what it’s like to have a boy. I want to have the opportunity to
raise a son that will be different. That will be an asset to his wife.
That will see his wife as his equal and cooking and watching his kids
not as helping but as his responsibility. I want the opportunity to make
the life of a little girl somewhere better because she married him.
But for now I have 2 girls and I will bring them up to realise that
they are full human beings on their own and not to feel like they are
incomplete without a man. I will raise them to be fearless and have a
voice. I will raise them to desire the best from life and work hard to
achieve it. I will teach them that if you have achieved, you should buy
whatever you can afford and not wait to buy it when you marry so that
men will not feel intimidated. I will teach them not to aspire to marry
but to aspire to greatness and excellence and if marriage comes, to
desire to excel at that as well. I will raise them to know that the
churches who say that you cannot join a womens group until you marry
even though you are 35 are wrong and being a woman is a function of
genetics not of marriage. I will raise them not to spend their entire
lives trying to give a man self esteem that only God can give. I will
teach them not to become less so someone else can feel better about
themselves. And yes I will teach them to cook and clean and be able to
fend for themselves because that is what a full human being does. I will
also teach them to be kind, to be generous and to put others before
themselves. I will teach them to love God with their whole heart and
their whole minds but also to love others as they love themselves. I
will teach them to love themselves no matter what shape and no matter
what they look like. I will teach them that their sense of self worth
comes from God and no one can make you feel inferior without your
permission.
And I will no longer be afraid of being me. Of being beautiful and
intelligent. Of being powerful. Of being ambitious. I desire to be a
full human just as my husband is and just as my brothers are. I desire
to own properties and leave an inheritance for my children. I will work
to be excellent and will not apologise for achieving greatness. I will
no longer reply to condescending comments about being lucky my husband
‘allows’ me to be great. Nobody is allowing anyone to do anything. We
are each others support systems helping each other achieve our dreams.
To the men out there who feel threatened because of a woman’s ability
to achieve, if your sense of self worth comes from your ability to make
someone subservient to you then look again and ask yourselves who is
the weaker sex now?
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Very insightful read, eh?
I truly have not taken a firm stance on whether or not I would consider myself a feminist. I am 100% pro-women empowerment and pro-women equality to men in every aspect of life- social, political, economical etc but, I am just not sure I want to embrace that term and come under that umbrella- I still see a lot of "feminists" tear each other down and say one's ideals is against the other's, claiming that that other's is the "true definition" of feminism and that holding an otherwise view was defeating the main purpose of feminism and you often hear/read, on forums where this is being discussed, some person championing the cause ask, "What exactly do YOU understand feminism to mean as I see you are totally clueless about what real feminism means?!". This normally snowballs into an almost endless discussion that inevitably gets heated, I want no part of all of that so I'll stay being pro- all things that support women being great and making all the moves to ensure that I am great myself but I still see no need to attach a label to it.
How about you? Are you a feminist or do you, like me, see no need to be labelled? I'd really like to read your thoughts and take on this....
Do have a great week guys, hopefully we'll chat again here before the week runs out.
Love Always,
Judgejudyjudy...
X
however, i do not want to be a feminist, going by what i see today, today'woman seems to be bitter, angry and defensive all the time. The whole man bashing just exhausts me. At the end of the day, our greatest problem isn't the men, its ourselves. Women are their own worst enemies,Its still women who become the mean mothers in law, the bitchy boss, the overbearing sister in law, the side chick, the wife who thinks every other woman wants a piece of her husband,We are still the ones who raise boys to become men who look down on females and abuse them. Maybe we should learn to truly love ourselves, then the men will take us seriously. As for gender equality, that is just a myth for me. I am a Christian and i believe God has fashioned the world and humans around certain principles, if you upset these principles, things may spoil, meanwhile, i like being a woman, i like having my hubby pay bills while i don't have to...lol. You want to a man to hold the door open for you and pull out your chair, so why the hell do you complain about equality. We complain that chivalry is dead, of course it died, when we began to see our femininity to be a problem. What we should ask for is empowerment, the ability to come into our own and make something of ourselves, while still basking under the protection and care of our men. Meanwhile, kiss your little one for me :)
ReplyDeleteWhat I have come to learn as an adult, is that anything that involves human beings is corruptible. Religion, a movement, education etc. but it does not preclude me from associating with whichever one I am interested in. Having said this, I am a proud feminist and proudly tag the label to myself and unashamed of it. Of course there are different kinds, depending of socio-political circumstances of those involved and even to what extent. But like you said, it is something that we can go on discussing without an end in sight.
ReplyDeleteI love the ladies write up and in some ways mirrors my own wish. You see like her I want just 2 kids, I have got a daughter and earnestly wish I have a boy next so as to balance out the equation and experience raising the 2 sexes. But in truth, hidden deep down at the back of my mind is that gnawing feeling that I need to make an heir, that child bearing isn't truly complete without this. This I blame on how the Nigerian society, especially the igbo society raises their girls. I fight this always and hoping that if things happen differently, I am able to stand my grounds that whether 2 girls or 1 boy and a girl, I will be contented and not get stuck with this mentality.
This is why I loved Chimamanda Adichie's article on how to raise a raise child, because if the Nigerian society is shaped differently, then I won't even be bothered about the sex of my children at all and just be grateful that I was blessed with children at all.
**Sigh** I am a work in progress, fighting this redundant patriarchy system that places too much emphasis on the importance of one gender over another,------UGO
Hi... it's been so long since I too wrote, I had so much going on, thank you for reaching out to me, I really appreciated it... There were just so many personal and world things going on that was consuming me... I am happy that I am back to blogging finally, I just have a ton of catching up to do... I will be doing it all week xox
ReplyDeleteI think I would consider myself a feminist... but not a staunch one.. I think we need to be treated fairly and paid properly... we as women are just as good as men and I hope we as women remember this... especially with what is going on in the USA... xox